Monday, January 7, 2013

A modest proposal

Here's the problem.

Weaver put a realistic rubber turtle in the middle of a lane on a busy road near campus. Then he got out of the way and watched over the next hour as seven drivers swerved and deliberately ran over the animal. Several more apparently tried to hit it but missed.

"I've heard of people and from friends who knew people that ran over turtles. But to see it out here like this was a bit shocking," said Weaver, a 22-year-old senior in Clemson's School of Agricultural, Forest and Environmental Sciences.

To seasoned researchers, the practice wasn't surprising.

The number of box turtles is in slow decline, and one big reason is that many wind up as roadkill while crossing the asphalt, a slow-and-steady trip that can take several minutes.

Sometimes humans feel a need to prove they are the dominant species on this planet by taking a two-ton metal vehicle and squishing a defenseless creature under the tires, said Hal Herzog, a Western Carolina University psychology professor.

Here's my idea:

Box turtle robots wired with explosives. The next macho asshole who swerves to hit a turtle goes up in a geyser of flame and shrapnel. After a few guys get roasted in their SUVs you gotta figure word will spread.


Bill the Butcher said...

Or rig them to fire a depleted uranium spike through the floor of the vehicle and impale the bastards.

They need to suffer, not just die.

susan said...

Perhaps the punishment could be putting the guilty driver in a box with a little window in front and four holes for hands and feet. Then see how fast he/she could get across the road.

Ben said...

Those are both good. Empathy must be learned and relearned. Sometimes it must be taught hard.